Another fun-filled year for lawyers and the law ... 2013 bursting with distressing moments ... A collection of highlights and lowlights
"I consider that these costs were within parliamentary entitlements, since they were incurred in the course of attendance at a function primarily for work-related purposes. I remain of that view."
So said the new attorney general George Brandis with a straight face, seeking to justify a claim of nearly $1,700 for attending the wedding of a right wing shock jock.
In a way George captured one of the enduring qualities for which the law is justly famous - clinging to a belief in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
It's been a theme for lawyers and the law throughout 2013.
It was on display at the ICAC inquiry into the Obeids and their secret interest in Cascade Coal, and it wasn't only the Obeids who stonewalled.
McGuigan (right): scrotums on the quartermast
Former Baker & McKenzie bigwig and Cascade Coal shareholder John McGuigan was busily telling Commissioner David Ipp about the important role of independent directors, only to have played a tape of a phone intercept revealing his proposed extra-judicial punishment for an independent director who stood in the way of a $60 million pot of gold:
"This prick - he's going to have his nuts on the f***ing quartermast."
The well known scrotum crucifixion.
Lawyers on the front line were also under pressure - and it showed.
Stuart Littlemore, counsel for Eddie Obeid, shoved a journalist outside the inquiry. It brought to mind the great fuss that erupted when in the early 1990s English judge Sir Jeremiah Harman kicked a taxi-driver, thinking the fellow was a journalist.
Maybe Littlemore thought the SBS journalist was a taxi driver.
The great lawyer was also upset with a member of the public who made a flippant remark about Obeid during the lunch adjournment. "I will speak to the commissioner about you."
No more was heard from the terrified chap.
Later it emerged in a new round of ICAC investigations into the Obeids' interests that Littlemore was being paid $12 a question. As someone remarked, "It pays to be inquisitive".
Other inquiries are in full swing, including that of the institutional abuse of children, which has proved a boon for lawyers and PR agents.
A Victorian parliamentary inquiry into sex abuse has concluded its work. When the Catholic Archbishop of Melbourne, Denis Hart, was asked why it took 18 years for a convicted paedophile priest to be defrocked, he replied: "Better late than never."
Hanger: pink bats
And there's the interesting work of Senator Brandis' Pink Bats Royal Commission under the hammer of the auspiciously named Ian Hanger.
The attorney general also nailed to the masthead the importance of free speech and to that end he appointed to the Human Rights Commission Tim Wilson, a person with no discernible human rights or free speech credentials whatsoever, other than as an advocate for the marketing rights of tobacco companies.
It was left to departing High Court justice Dyson Heydon to sum up the history of the legal underpinning of the implied constitutional freedom of communication, in language we all understand:
"Non haec in foedera veni."
The legal profession itself was caught-up in the tide of change. Barristers in Queensland, at the urging of the state's attorney general, Jarrod Bleijie, rebadged Senior Counsel as Queens Counsel. This is how Senator Brandis suddenly got "QC" plastered on his letterhead.
Bleijie's arguments sounded persuasive:
"The reintroduction of QCs will help clear up confusion because a number of other titles are abbreviated to SC, including Special Counsel and Star of Courage."
Star of Courage frequently confused with Senior Counsel
This is the same attorney general who courageously declared that there is no rape in the Queensland prison system.
Sydney barristers were wracked by dissension over whether they should be allowed to form themselves into tiny single shareholder, single director companies for tax purposes. Silken opinions were called for, campaigning emails clogged in-boxes, agitation intensified, court action was threatened - but at the final hurdle the low tax brigade faltered.
Tensions are obviously high in some Phillip Street chambers. There have been reports that someone is spitting on the brass door plaque of one leading silk. DNA tests of the entire floor are called for.
The NSW Legal Services Commissioner Steve Mark retired after 19 years in the job. Among his parting shots were the refreshing revelations that "bullshit works" and that he became a lawyer "to stay out of jail".
Solicitors have been relatively well behaved this year - except for one suburban solicitor in Melbourne who was fined $100,000 for sexual harassment of a female member of his staff. In one night alone he propositioned her 78 times.
The courts too have struggled to get to grips with the new world order, but are slowly getting there.
The Victorian Chief Justice Marilyn Warren made a speech embracing the use of social media and the need to recruit retired judges who can blog.
The High Court has started posting audio-visual recordings of its proceedings - very handy if you want to have six hours viewing of Electricity Generation Corporation v Woodside Energy.
Earlier this month the NSW Supreme Court announced that it had embraced the Twitter era. The chief justice Tom Bathurst said he hopes this will improve engagement. So far the court has engaged 14 times.
The High Court said gay marriage in Australia would not be unconstitutional - the only thing stopping it is the Marriage Act, which parliament can change.
Change was coming slowly to one acting court of appeal judge, Murray Tobias. In the long running Keysar Trad v 2GB case it was put to the judges that the Muslim community spokesman had characterised homosexuals as, "dogs ... perverted people prowling for prey". Tobias chipped in:
"But some are - up near St Vincents, that's what they do. It's called The Wall - I think."
Sexual dream machine
An in-depth survey of the legal year would not be complete without advice from retired High Court justice Michael Kirby. He gave some useful international travel tips:
"Enough melatonin tablets, which result in a refreshing sleep. Occasional sexual dreams are a reported by-product of taking melatonin. But who's complaining? Dream on."