Fancy footwork

UPDATE ... Moaning judges flee MONA family law dinner dance … Tussle for the top Supreme Court post in Van Diemen's Land … Putting a shine on SCs … Female barristers decaying less quickly than males … Pulp fiction's playthings  

Judges caught in dance spectacular

A SHROUD of secrecy has been wrapped around the events which occurred at MONA, north of Hobart, on Sunday evening (Oct 14).

The gallery, with animal carcasses and transparent intestinal and bowel mechanisms on display, was the scene of a "judges-only" dinner as an entree to the National Family Law Conference, which kicked-off the following morning.

About 10 minutes into the banqueting a troupe of exotic (and possibly erotic dancers) made their entrance and commenced to perform. 

The taxonomy (a word currently in vogue with the High Court) of the terpsichorean genre to which the performance might be thought to belong is uncertain. 

What is more certain is that the choreography proved to be far too robust for Robert French CJ on an empty stomach and that he and Mrs French departed hurriedly in a Comcar. 

Other field agents add that Bathurst CJ and Mrs Bathurst also hi-tailed it out of there. 

We are hoping to flesh out more details, so to speak, but at the moment there has been a closing of judicial ranks to protect the organisers and the doughty CJ of the Family Court herself. 

Maybe it was a rendition of a Darwin pub favourite, the Dance of the Flaming Arseholes - which involves turning the lights out, inserting into bare backsides rolled-up pages of Murdoch's Northern Territory News, lighting them, and jiving to the sounds of Abba's Waterloo. 

Years ago, Allen Allen & Hemsley sponsored a play at the Belvoir Theatre in Sydney and took along a swag of precious corporate and banking clients for the gala opening - only to discover on stage nude thespians prancing about with enormous paper mâché penises strapped to their nethers.

By interval the lawyers and clients had all vanished. 

*   *   *

A LATE REPORT to hand says that the dancers at MONA engaged in "simulated sex while wearing judicial robes" ... 

What a relief. I had feared that it was going to be something really tasteless. 

*   *   *

ON other matters Taswegian I see advertisements in the popular press for a new Supreme Court CJ and a fresh puisne Supremo. 

Both positions become vacant in the first half of next year and expressions of interest are invited. 

Interestingly, applications have to be in by Oct. 22 to Simon Overland, former chief Victorian walloper, now secretary to the Tasmanian Department of Justice. 

There are surely others in contention, but the two names on many lips are Stephen Estcourt QC and Justice Alan Blow, the well regarded senior puisne person on the court at the moment. 

We pressed Estcourt for a response, but he said: "No comment." 

I don't think solicitor general Leigh Sealy is anxious to fill either of the slots. He's getting out of government service next year and wants to spend more time with his home brewing apparatus. 

In fact, he's just come up with a new brew, intriguingly called Gunners Premium Stout. 

I wonder what he is getting at. 

Solicitor General Sealy: no time to be CJ

Apart from a handful of ornaments to the profession there is not a deep pond of locals from which the government can fish. 

It might cause a rebellion against the federation should an outsider be lobbed into either of these jobs. 

Blowers is 63 and if appointed would have nine years straight as CJ. 

Should Stephen Estcourt get the CJ gig he would have jumped a few rungs over his former law firm partner Justice Disco Dave Porter. 

Both did time at the Launceston law shop Archer Bushby. 

Anyway, Premier Lara (The Skittle) Giddings has secured the services for another term of Governor Peter Underwood. 

Hollywood Pete is currently 75 and now will be governing with his iron fist for another five years. 

He is ideal for the task because he likes it when people stand-up as he enters a room. 

He did the right thing after the last election, installing Labor in a minority government with the Greenies. 

The Libs have hated him ever since, which is another reason that his reappointment is well merited. 

*   *   *

Newhouse "SC"

SURELY, there was a printing error in the Australian Lawyers Alliance program for the forthcoming national knees-up in Glenelg on Saturday week (Oct. 27). 

After being welcomed by Greg Barns and listening to CJ John Doyle's opening address those attending stream B will enjoy a panel discussion on pro bono work. 

There are three on the panel: John Corker, director of the National Pro Bono Resource Centre at UNSW; Lizzy O'Shea from Maurice Blackburn's social justice practice in Melbourne; and George Newhouse SC, from Shine's national social justice practice in Sydney. 

Yes, that's right. According to the "final" program - solicitor George Newhouse is an SC. 

Members of the wig 'n' gown club were tutt-tutting up and down Phillip Street about this further dilution of their "brand". 

Someone must have said something because in the online version of the program George has had his status downgraded to just plain "George Newhouse NSW". 

But, there's more ...  

Go to the website of Shine Lawyers, George's new home, and you'll see it's true. George is an SC. He's billed as "George Newhouse Social Justice Special Counsel".  

Dan Mori, the recently arrived hero of the Guantanamo defence bar, is also described by the law shop as a Shine "Social Justice Special Counsel". 

So, don't blame the printer. 

Anyway, if barristers can give themselves little letters after their names, why shouldn't solicitors? 

*   *   *

THE NSW bar released a whole batch of fairly incompressible data on retention rates at the wig 'n' gown club. 

For the 22 years between 1990 and 2012, it explained the figures in a reassuring gender neutral way: 

"There is no major difference between the percentage of males leaving [the bar] as opposed to females when the categories are split via gender - i.e. 34.7 percent of the total males have left and 31.5 percent of the total females." 

Of course, no one is quite a total male or a total female, but let's not get distracted. 

Is this what the stats really tell us? 

People with mathematical skills better than my B in Sums have been in touch to point out something called the "convergence factor". 

If this factor is taken into account actually more (total) women stay longer at the bar than (total) men. 

How so? 

The snapshot position says that there are a total of 1,723 males and 561 females plying their trade at the bar. 

In the most recent 22 year period 598 males left for various reasons and 177 female members went - i.e. 34.7 percent and 31.5 percent respectively. 

That means 65.3 percent of males remained as opposed to 68.5 percent of females. 

This is not the same "decay rate" between the genders at all. Women generally are staying longer at the bar than men. 

Of course, male barristers are more likely to be struck-off than their female colleagues. 

What is interesting is that half the bar has less than 14 years experience, with a big bunch in the one to 10 years bracket, with a long tail. 

*   *   *

Prosecutor Kara Shead: Plaything of PassionMOVE aside for the throngs elbowing their way to the NSW Justice & Police Museum for an exhibition of portraits entitled Wicked Women. 

The artist is Rosemary Valadon, who has carried off the Portia Geach and Blake prizes. 

She's recreated the male fantasy of pulp fiction covers, but the intriguing point is that her subjects include two crown prosecutors, Margaret Cunneen and Kara Shead. 

Cunneen: She Tried To be GoodShead is reclining in green underwear and lacy suspenders, replicating the cover for the novel Plaything of Passion. 

Cunneen SC is daubed in a tight red sweater and skirt split to the thigh. 

In the background gazing admiringly at her bottom is senior crown prosecutor Mark Tedeschi. 

Inspiration for this painting comes from the novel She Tried To Be Good, a struggle with which Cunneen can closely identify. 

Others on display in various alluring poses are Tara Moss, Rachel Ward and society dame Skye Leckie. 

The exhibition kicks off from Saturday, Oct 20, and raises the distinct possibility that Crownies was not entirely pulp fiction.