Hyperemisis gravidarum strikes a cruel blow

Lord Justice Leveson transported to Australia ... New offensive word - "underpinning" ... Lord Chancellor biffs judge ... Judge biffs prosecutor ... Name game for latest royal mouth to feed ... Death of Jacintha Saldanha - "What can you expect from Orstralians?" ... Leverhulme's London Calling 

Dave Cameron: not a regulator

GREETINGS from good old Blighty, the country that is awash (and one can't often say that) with talk of Leveson, sex offenders and hyperemisis gravidarum or what Kate's got.

The good Lord Justice plonked his 1987 page opus on the bench and promptly transported himself to Australia.

It was remarkable that the former prosecutor, who pursued Rose West for 10 murders, still managed to convey a sense of surprised outrage at the excesses of the meeja.

For a long time, it was tempting to think that Dave Cameron had broken a basic rule of politics: never hold an inquiry unless you know what the result is going to be.

In hindsight, I think the PM wasn't interested in the result of the inquiry. He knew he would never regulate the press.

His argument looked a bit thin - don't bring in a law now because a future government could amend it and make things even worse for the reptilian hordes.

But a new parliament could make its own laws anyway.

The biggest offence is the now constant use of the word "underpinning." It's a bit like "benchmark." What does "benchmark" actually mean?

Legendary journalist, Peter Preston, who made his name fingering dodgy politicians was not impressed with Levvo's work.

He called it, rather uncharitably ...

"a sloppy, elephantine piece of work that relies on nobody having the time to read it before taking sides." 

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THE hacks are still up to their old tricks. The Spectator's gossip columnist, Steerpike, has related how a journo has been locking himself in the loo at the Wolseley to eavesdrop on the rah-rahs and their financial deals.

The hack's editor, says Steerpike, "has been thrilled to receive his daily haul of 'leaks'."

"Even better, the scoops are presented with no chits or expenses claims attached. 'He never seems to spend a penny at that restaurant,' quips one of his bosses."

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WHO'D be a judge these days?

Poor old Judge Peter Bowers, got it in the neck from the Lord Chancellor, (ex TV producer Chris Grayling) and the Lord Chief Justice for describing the act of breaking into someone's home as courageous.

Just as well the judiciary isn't regulated or Bowersy might have had to sweep the streets as penance.

One beak scored a big kiss from the press for letting off a householder who waved a kitchen knife at some yobs who were laying siege to his Mapperley Park home.

The defendant, David Beeley, was woken at 11.30 pm by a bunch of youthful exuberants who were squatting in the area. They took running kicks at his door and yelled, "Kill Dave". 

Mr Beeley appeared, not unreasonably, with a kitchen carving knife and scared them off.

Judge Michael Stokes QC, the Recorder of Nottingham asked:

"Which genius thought it was in the public interest to prosecute this defendant?" 

Well, we soon found out. Step forward, Judith Walker, the Chief Crown Prosecutor. Her spokeswoman said Jude had considered the evidence in the case and the public interest.

Here was real grey matter at work.

"The evidence provided showed that the defendant had left his apartment building carrying a large kitchen knife with the intention of making a group of youths who were causing a disturbance leave the vicinity.

The prosecutor took the view that going out in public with a knife can often inflame a situation, rather than resolve it.

The defendant pleaded guilty to this offence, on the basis that he had the knife in his hand because he had been cooking and had gone outside out of fear for himself and other residents in the block. This plea was accepted by the prosecution."

Good for them.

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Cyril Smith MP (right) with Jeremy Thorpe

WE now know that we should not be offensive to yobs or fat people.

Look what happened to BBC presenter Dan Walker. He was cuffed by the BBC Trust when he said a couple of tubby football fans were on a Ronaldo diet.

"The committee did not consider that in isolation an off-the-cuff remark which implied Ronaldo was overweight would have been in itself offensive given he is a public figure and his weight and level of fitness as a former player were of interest.

However, the committee felt that the comment referring to the two identifiable fans who are not public figures was humiliating."

Not so with the dead. Sir Cyril Smith (dec) is in the news for abusing youths many years ago. He can't tell us his side of the story.

If it's true, and there's no evidence to the contrary on the horizon, it is clear the victims deserve lots of compo and also a decent finder's fee. 

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Willis & Kate: maybe an old English name like Cnut for the little sprog

THE coverage of the Cambridge pregnancy has given most of us morning sickness too.

The Daily Mail helpfully contrasted these blissful days with Diana's early years of marriage.

Those unspeakable colonial disc-jockeys have kept the story running. 

The country is divided on how they view the tragic death of the receptionist, Jacintha Saldanha, 46.

There are many who have carried out pranks themselves and see no real harm in what the DJs did.

The  outraged remainder favour zero tolerance and see the practical joke as akin to murder.

There is, however, a  sniffy "well what else do you expect?" element to media comments and their references to Orstralian behaviour.

These observations would be forbidden if the DJ's were from any other country.

Some columnists have also speculated usefully on names.

Rowan Pelling, a yummy mummy who writes for the Daily Telegraph said this: 

"The field of suitable boys' names is somewhat wider, although only a brave couple would pick from early English kings: Eadwig and Ethelred sound like a Seventies folk band.

Meanwhile Cnut would only delight those who like the song 'I'm a G-nu'."

Yeah right. Which school did you go to Rowan?