Unvarnished pollies

Lord Chancellor's grief over rape law reform ... Boris Johnson on Aristotle, Marilyn Monroe, Scarlett Johansson and Mrs Johnson ... Leverhulme in London on a couple of pollies who tell it like it is

Russ Hinze: bloodshotRussell Hinze, the gargantuan Minister for Everything in the corrupt Queensland governments of yore, would have had scant time for today's image consultants.

He was interviewed live at the Moonee Valley races and asked how he felt that a young woman was challenging him for his seat in parliament.

With a lecherous glint in his bloodshot eye and ignoring the hazards posed by his physique, the Colossus of Roads replied, "She can stand against me any time she likes".

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Russ wouldn't have survived today and most would think that is a good thing.

But we've gone entirely the other way. The politicians who rule us now are gluten free. They are predominantly self-important skinny lattes, calculating wowsers with a sinister air.

Blighty has two unvarnished pollies in prominent jobs and they are both male Tories.

The first is Ken Clarke, the liberal Tory Lord Chancellor, who is reviled by the right and loathed by the left. (See Leverhulme November 25, 2010).

Admittedly, the reds are too rabid to realise they agree with him on a lot of things.

Lord Chancellor: tangled messageKen has been in strife for terminological inexactitude.

He was interviewed on radio and had two messages for the listeners.

The first was that the government was considering halving the sentence for rapists who pleaded guilty at the earliest opportunity. The second was that some rapes were not as serious as others.

The messages got dreadfully tangled and the R word set off Pavlov's dogs. You can judge for yourself.

A woman called Gabrielle Brown, the victim of an attempted rape who had waited 688 days to bring her attacker to justice only to see his sentence reduced when he pleaded guilty, phoned in and started sobbing.

Clarke was appropriately sympathetic, but the hackles of the hacks were raised.

At PMQ's, Ed Miliband, flanked by Hattie Harperson and Mrs Balls called on David Cameron to sack Clarke that afternoon.

This has been the cultural response of Labour for years. If you don't agree with what people are saying, have them sacked or do something beastly to them.

The trouble is that in their frenzy they didn't see that Clarke was trying to tackle the appalling conviction rate for rape which is just over six percent compared to 34 percent for other crimes.

An early guilty plea would spare much of the victim's ordeal.

Gabrielle Brown later met Mr Clarke, realised what he was saying and declared his proposals "fair enough."

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Boris Johnson: it might sound cretinousThe second politician who survives against the odds is London's Mayor, Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.

He has been in the news for confronting the President of the United States at Betty's Beano and demanding a cheque for £5 million.

Apparently, it's what the diplomatically immune Yankee Embassy owes in congestion charges to the city of London. Barack's ambassador was not impressed.

Boris was interviewed recently by Metro. Politicians don't speak like this anymore.

Here are some snatches.

 Tell us something about you we don't already know.

"I like to relax by painting on cheese boxes. You get Brie and Camembert in these lovely wooden boxes. Now it might sound cretinous – and I'm not a very good painter – but I enjoy it and find it therapeutic. I paint the whole thing white with a tube of children's paint and I look for something to paint. The last thing I painted was a picture of one of my family in front of the Colosseum in Rome. I also like painting whisky bottles."

[snip]

What gets you up in the morning?

"Sheer exuberance and joy at doing this job. I virtually erupt from bed like a rocketing pheasant. I then go for a run, because if you go for a run in the morning, nothing can get worse. You've got the bad bit out of the way." 

Who do you admire the most?

"Aristotle, Marilyn Monroe and Scarlett Johansson – in fact, I think she might have overtaken Marilyn Monroe - and my wife, of course. My wife is way ahead of Aristotle. She's beaten him in the final furlong."

Tell us about Aristotle.

"Aristotle believes that everything is aimed at eudaimonia [happiness] but the way to get there is to apply phronesis, which is a kind of moral wisdom. He's a brilliant moral philosopher. He also wrote very well on the sex life of cuttlefish and other important subjects. He was the first great Renaissance man - he was interested in everything, but everything, in moderation."

But Boris keeps an eye on the voters. When asked what he was proudest of he replied:

"In the past three years, I'm proudest of bringing crime down. On public transport, crime is down by 46 per cent since I became mayor, which I think is a very important fact for Metro readers."

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The only other politician not to tremble at the knees in the midst of the Star Spangled Prez was ... you've guessed it ... Kenny Clarke.

He nodded off during Obama's speech.

The bookies were devastated because he has prior convictions.

Alex Donohue of Ladbrokes said:

"We can't believe it. We sent Clarke a crate of energy drinks in March to stop this happening and they clearly didn't work.

Once again Clarke and his impromptu naps are the toast of punters everywhere tonight."

Mr Clarke's spokesman said:

"He was just living the American dream."