Hermann and the juicy file

The Fellas want to get their hands on that huge file ... What's Gail got that's so magic? ... Apparently she's a "straight shooter" ... But then, there's a f**k-up ... Whose f**k-up? ... Dorothy explains 

Gail has a mammoth file - worth maybe $2 mill in fees.  

The Fellas can't understand how she got it.

She is strangely unimpressive: sort of small, and doesn't like talking about football. They suspect the client must be a bit of a dill. Or sleeping with her. 

Regrettably, efforts to remove her from this fountain of billings and replace her with someone more impressive have thus far been unsuccessful.

Hermann even visited the client to ask him what they like about Gail. 

"She is a straightshooter, and has the confidence of the commercial people," the client said.  

The Fellas spent some time analysing those remarks. They all expressed concern about what she says when she is "straight shooting".  

They agreed the Firm's insurance policy could well be on the line.  

If the client insists on keeping her, at least the Fellas should be in there keeping an eye on things.  Quality control.

Better for her to have some backup. Better for the client, better for the Firm.  

But, typically for a woman, Gail is not a team player. She always resists getting in one of the Fellas to assist.  

Seems to verge on paranoia about the file being stolen. Not team-like at all. Keeps going on about needing meaningful support not white anting.

Anyway, this time they think they have it nailed. There is rumour of a Fuck-Up.

I know this because Hermann came to visit me. He wandered around my office talking about the footie for a while, and then he said:

"I hear there was a bit of a cock up on that Big Boy matter." 

"Oh really?" said I. "What was that?"  

He sat down, put his right ankle on his left knee, crossed his arms and, with schadenfreude oozing from his large pink pores, embarked on a long story, short on detail, high in innuendo, which concluded that Something Dreadful Probably Negligent had occurred and that Big Brother were on the brink of pulling the file.

He hoped that I will provide even more salacious details.

"I hadn't heard that," I say. "I will make some enquiries and get back to you."

I have to be careful about raising this with Gail. She gets a bit touchy when it comes to rumours about her competence.  

"Gail," I say. "How goes it?"

The muscles around Gail's jaw are tight. Clearly things are not of their usual mid-rose hue.

"God I hate this place sometimes," she volunteered.

"Why is that?" I ask.

"Well people keep ringing me up asking questions about Big Boy and its Big Matter. I am fucking sick of it." 

(Mystery possibly solved about what she says when "straight shooting".)

"Funny you should say that. Hermann was talking some drama about a document which went wrong."

Gail went puce.

"Why you can tell that little prick Hermann that there was indeed a fuck-up. You can also tell him that at the time it occurred, I was trecking in Nepal."

"In Nepal?"

"Yes. On the other side of the world climbing fucking mountains in the fucking snow. Left the file with one of the Fellas who had been dying to get his fingers on it, and after a week of phaffing about redrafting his own redrafts, when it looked like something might actually be signed, completely lost it and sprouted some panicky gobbledygook to the client. Have spent the last two weeks calming everybody down. While every fucker here tries to blame me.

Do not go on holidays, Dorothy," she concluded ominously. "Do not go on holidays."

She was starting to mutter.  

I stopped her.

"Leave this with me," I said.

I rang Hermann.  

"Hermann!" I said, in my cheeriest tone. "You were right about that fuck up."

"Really?" said Hermann, in that hopeful way children have when they think they might get a second lollipop after all.

"Yes. Bit of an upset while Gail was trecking in Nepal. Its OK though. She has been back two weeks and has managed to fix it."

There was Quite a Long Silence.

Hermann made a remark about the weather before he was urgently called away to do Something Very Important.

"Bye then," I said. "Let me know if you need any more help."