Motherhood at the bar

There are rules for women who have children while at the bar ... No space for joys of motherhood ... Junior Junior unmoved by WBF instructions 

ONE of the difficulties of being a lady barrister is that it is the ladies who have the children.

Recently I attended a couple of seminars organised by the Women Barristers Forum, aimed at those planning to have children or who already have children while still at the bar.

I wasn't really sure what to expect, but was hoping there were words of wisdom about maintaining a client base while on maternity leave, information on services to assist with practice management and child care and tips on how to negotiate with chambers to reduce your fees while on leave.

I was disappointed. 

Turns out these are the rules for child bearing at the bar:  

1. Marry a man who is happy to be a stay-at-home father (I'm sure partnering with a woman happy to be a stay-at-home mum would also be suitable for those not into the blokes); 
2. While pregnant, don't tell anyone; 
3. If you have morning sickness in court, blatantly eat or drink flat Coca-Cola and ignore anyone that asks why (or just puke in court and claim a stomach bug); 
4. There is a pregnancy bar jacket making the rounds, but you can also get away with a black cardigan for the last couple of months; 
5. Once you finish work, continue to answer your phone and email so that no one realises you aren't actually at work; 
6. If possible schedule an elective caesarean so that you can fit the birth into your schedule; 
7. Once the baby is born, if you haven't followed rule number one, get a nanny, a cleaner and a chef; 
8. Take as little time off work as possible or continue to answer emails and your phone and make small court appearances so no one realises you are either a mother or on leave; and 
9. Until the child is school age, continue to employ the nanny, the cleaner and the chef. 

So, it's pretty much a case of marry well, schedule well, and find good help.

While these were things I understood instinctively, I secretly hoped I might be wrong and that somewhere buried deep in the difficulties of the profession there was space for the joys of motherhood. 

Nup.

Considering my current income, I better start saving for that full complement of staff so that when eventually I have a child I can leave he/she/it and get straight back to work.