Psycho or psychic?

Six qualities that law firms really need in a new graduate ... Psychic powers are a job-clincher ... Draft letter from student-at-large 

THE career advice normally given to law school graduates is inadequate, and frankly, unrealistic.

It is important for graduates to have a better understanding of the real life skill-set required by law firms. 

To bridge the gap between theory and practice, here is a useful sample cover letter of the skills that law firms are desperately seeking.  

If you are a prospective employee keep a copy. It will be helpful in your hunt for a dream job ...

Dear Partner of Prestigious Law Firm,

Allow me to introduce myself. I happen to have a unique skill set that is well-suited to legal practice. 

First, I regularly have psychic dreams, ones that predict the future or give me information that would normally be confidential. I do not need to elaborate on the implications and uses of this ability, not least of which is the hours you would save in not having to access relevant files. Moreover, there is no prohibition for admissibility of evidence based on the fact that it was obtained psychically.

Secondly, I have the uncanny ability to tell if someone is lying to me within the first five seconds of meeting. This is a very useful skill for its own purposes, but also has applicability in discovery. 

Thirdly, I have perfected the art of astral travel. Right this moment I can see you reading this, slightly flummoxed as to how your clerk or secretary managed to slide this letter in between the other boring and routine ones. 

This type of travel will cost you less than the usual corporate travel required by the firm.

May I also take this opportunity to offer free fashion advice? You really shouldn't wear that tie with that shirt because the pattern clashes in such a distracting manner as to damage your credibility. Believe me, form is as important as content and in the legal profession this is an undisputed fact. 

Fifthly, my powers of persuasion are so developed that even at this moment I am planting seeds deep into your subconscious mind such that you will soon be picking up the phone to call me in for an interview. If not now, then definitely in three years when I finish my legal training and am actually ready to start working for you. My persuasive powers will also prove very useful in negotiations, mediations with recalcitrant parties, and of course, the court.  

Sixthly, my ability to predict the future has relevant practical value when dealing with opposing counsel, judges and dodgy clients. It also has applications to determining matters of adjudicatory risk and potential unforeseeable matters in commercial contracts so that we may better advise our clients.

I am happy to schedule an interview where I can further demonstrate my skills in the service of your firm.

Thank you in advance for your considerations and for not wearing that tie at our upcoming interview, and no, you are not dreaming.

Kind regards,

The Psychic